Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
