remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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