hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
