Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
