I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
