She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
