so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
