Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
