She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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