She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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