just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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