Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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