We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
