no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
