i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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