I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
