I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
