Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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