btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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