Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You ruined the universe
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
