WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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