he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
