just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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