so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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