I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
one might say we're banned from that church
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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