awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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