Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
