thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
