That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
