i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
