Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
