I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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