he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
