whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
