Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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