Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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