They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
