i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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