I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
