i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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