Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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