this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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