sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
