i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
