Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
