so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
