peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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