my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
