two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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