I just cut my nipple shaving
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
