tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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