I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We don't watch enough power rangers
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
