This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
