I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
