I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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