I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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