That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
