I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
