so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
