best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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