Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
