good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
