You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize