so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
