i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
