I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
